A Compassionate Pause

Contributed by: Ginger Rothhaas, Compassion Fix

I am honored to be part of the Hive blog. I am a life coach, seminary trained pastoral counselor, speaker, and writer. I love teaching on the power of self-compassion.

In seminary, while researching for a sermon on the unconditional love of God, I discovered over 20 years of clinical research on the power of self-compassion. Harvard, Stanford, University of Texas in Austin, and University of California Berkley all have research centers dedicated to studying the power of being kind to ourselves. They have found that the way we talk to ourselves, handle our mistakes, identity our own feelings, and bring ourselves compassionate care is literally life changing and world changing. When people get kinder with themselves, they naturally become kinder to others.

In the seven years since finishing seminary, I have continued to explore this research and created a coaching and counseling practice focused on helping people increase their sense of self-worth, quiet their anxious thinking, and learn to trust themselves.

Each month I will share with you a quick tool that I think will be relevant to the Hive women. This month, I want to share a practice that I have found so helpful in befriending myself and living with more compassion for myself and others. I call it a Compassionate Pause. Each element is founded in research, and I share that in the parentheses below.

1. Place your hand on your heart. (This has been studied to show the same amounts of oxytocin are released in your brain when touching your own heart as is released when someone you love gives you a hug.)

2. Say your own name outloud. (The University of Michigan has studied the power of saying your name releases feel-good neurotransmitters like when someone we admire knows our name.)

3. Say something encouraging to yourself. (Maybe it sounds like “Ginger, you are doing a good job as a friend” or “Ginger, this has been a hard day for you, but you are a good person.”)

Take this compassionate pause when you feel overwhelmed, anxious, sad, unsure of yourself, or while in a moment of conflict with someone. The more you practice this, the more natural it becomes. Soon, you can easily support yourself through a tough moment and feel a quick dose of peace.

A study of medical students who paused in between patient visits to take a five second compassionate pause resulted in patients reporting higher levels of physician compassion than the control group who didn’t show themselves self-compassion between patients. When we are compassionate to ourselves, we are more compassionate with others.

A practice like this is not selfish or self-indulgent, it literally makes you a nicer person to be around. Show yourself some gentle compassion today and see what you notice.

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Ginger Rothhaas, MBA, MDiv. is a seminary trained compassion coach who teaches about compassion at the intersection of neuroscience and spirituality. She is the founder of Compassion Fix Coaching, and she has written a book of mental health practices coming out in Fall 2023 titled Being Human: 150 Practices to Make it Easier. She lives in Kansas City with her husband, their two teenage children, and two very enthusiastic dogs.

You can find Ginger at:

Websites: gingerrothhaas.com, compassionfix.com

Facebook and Instagram: @gingerrothhaas and @compassionfix