Aging Parents

Contributed by: Cindy Wysong, CFP®, BCWM, LLC

Getting old isn’t for sissies, and it only gets more difficult the longer we live.  Although every human is aging at exactly the same rate, it might seem the process is accelerated for your parents.  And, if you look among your friends, you might learn that some of your parents are aging better than others.  Although it’s sometimes hard to witness the decline of our aging loved ones, there are a few steps you can take to help your parents age as they wish. 

Communication is Key

Long before your parents need an extra hand in life, hopefully you have developed some sort of routine communication with them.  By doing so, you will understand what is “normal” in their lives.  For instance, you know if they are continuing to do the things they love, whether that’s pickleball or crossword puzzles or maybe even just a morning coffee with friends.  When their favorite activities begin to slow down, take notice.  There’s usually a good reason.  You might learn a physical or mental limitation has quickly hindered what used to be a normal activity for them.   

Sometimes simply showing interest in their lives and asking a question such as, “I noticed you don’t participate in yoga like you used to.  What has changed?” can foster dialogue that allows you to understand their situation and assist them with the aging process. 

I must caution you though…be gentle when asking questions!  Some parents might take offense that you are even inquiring.  Some might be embarrassed they’re not aging as well as they had once hoped, or even noticeably aging to others.  But, some just might welcome your gentle questions.  (Bear in mind, it’s easier to pry a little bit when you’ve had open communication with your parents long before they need help.)

Some people think that “talking money” with their parents is a huge invasion of privacy, but it really shouldn’t be viewed this way.  Having discussions with your aging parents about their financial security, or lack thereof, shows you care.  Don’t fret about initiating a conversation.  What you will find is that discussions about money often happen organically.  For instance, your parents might comment about bills they have to pay or the rising cost of expenses.  Acknowledge these comments and use them to engage in healthy dialogue.

If you would like an excuse to broach the subject, perhaps you can offer to help them organize their financial life.  (When parents move or downsize, that’s a great time to help them with this!)  Documents that should be easily accessible are: 1) insurance policies, 2) estate plan documents, 3) tax returns, 4) statements of assets or debts, and 5) unpaid bills.

When siblings are involved, be sure to communicate with them as well.  Help ensure everyone is marching toward the same goal for your parents. 

Talk About Them

Talk about your aging parents with friends.  Remember when you would talk with your friends about raising your children?  These same friends can be incredibly helpful when it comes to helping our aging loved ones.  Helping parents navigate their golden years can be frustrating and rewarding.  Regardless of the situation, it’s real.  And it impacts you. Embrace the fact that you are on this journey with your parents and make the best of it.  You just might be surprised how much you can learn from your friends who are experiencing a similar situation.

Their Goals or Yours?

When you’ve determined you can be helpful for your loved one – however that might be - take extra care in helping them attain their goals…which might be different than your goals.  Their dream might look different than your own dream for them.  Be willing to look into resources available to them (like Medicare home health) and keep in mind that your parents’ ability to do this research/legwork might be increasingly limited.  After all, that’s very likely part of the aging process that initiated the need to search for such resources!

Physical or mental ailments can be exhausting for the patient and the caregiver.  Especially for someone living with a terminal diagnosis, it is a reasonable question to simply ask them what it is they desire for their remaining life.

Power of Attorney

While your parents are of sound mind, encourage them to name a Power of Attorney to help them with future decision making. Again, be gentle and nurturing when discussing this with your parents.  Sharing or giving up control on issues they’ve independently handled all their life can feel threatening, maddening, or even depressing.  A Power of Attorney enables another person to legally make decisions on their (your parents’) behalf.

Getting old isn’t for the faint of heart, nor is caring for those who are aging.  Sometimes it feels like hard work…both physically and mentally.  The more empathy and patience you can provide your loved one, the more peaceful these transitions may be.

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Cindy Wysong is a Partner and Wealth Advisor at BCWM, LLC.

To contact Cindy:

Email: cindy@bcwm.com

Telephone: (913) 685-2300

www.bcwm.com