Say Your Own Name

Contributed by: Ginger Rothhaas, Compassion Fix

Ethan Kross, a professor and director of the Emotion and Self-Control Laboratory at the University of Michigan, has done extensive studies on the power of using our own names when we talk to ourselves. He’s found that speaking to ourselves in the third person can alleviate anxious thinking; our brains feel less worried when they hear from an inner coach helping us through life.

I used to feel silly talking to myself when I was home alone, but once I found Kross’s research, I started doing it more intentionally. I use this as a tool to reassure myself, give myself permission to do (or not do) something, get myself back on track, help me make decisions, and encourage myself.

Our brains pay attention when we hear our names. Think about in social settings when we hear our name, we tune into what is being said about us. So, make sure when you talk to yourself, you are using your first name to get your brain’s attention.

Another researcher, Jason Moser, found that emotional distress decreased immediately—within one second—of the participant using their own name in an encouraging sentence. He summed it up like this: "essentially, we think referring to yourself in the third person leads people to think about themselves more similar to how they think about others, and you can see evidence for this in the brain. That helps people gain a tiny bit of psychological distance from their experiences, which can often be useful for regulating emotions."

The next time you feel anxious about something or afraid to try something new, start with a piece of third–person encouragement as simple as: “[your name], you can do this.”

Experiment with saying your own name and coaching yourself out loud, no matter where you are or who will hear you. If you feel like you will be judged for talking to yourself in public, share this research with them and encourage them to try it out too.

The more we say our name and then something encouraging to ourselves, the more likely we are to trust ourselves. The other bonus to this practice is it helps you feel less alone in the world. If you feel unheard or unseen, this practice helps your brain feel heard and seen. It doesn’t care where it is coming from, our brains light up when love is felt.

TRY THIS

Practice talking to yourself in the third person today— whispering to yourself counts, too! Try saying your name and offering encouragement like you would to a friend. Example: [your name], I see that you are [frustrated]. Re- member that you are [positive quality] and you can figure this out.

Here are some scenarios in which you can give it a try:

• When you feel like you’re not getting recognition: [your name], I see how hard you worked.

• When you have a misunderstanding with someone: [your name], you were trying to help and it was misunderstood.

• When you make a mistake: [your name], that wasn’t the big mess-up you thought it was. Just clean it up and you will be fine.

• When you need hope: [your name], this pain is temporary, brighter days will return, it might not feel like it right now, but it will get better.

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Ginger Rothhaas, MBA, MDiv. is a seminary trained compassion coach who teaches about compassion at the intersection of neuroscience and spirituality. She is the founder of Compassion Fix Coaching, and she has written a book of mental health practices titled Being Human: 150 Practices to Make it Easier. She lives in Kansas City with her husband, their two teenage children, and two very enthusiastic dogs.

You can find Ginger at:

Websites: gingerrothhaas.com, compassionfix.com

Facebook and Instagram: @gingerrothhaas and @compassionfix

New Book: Being Human