The Power of Cultivating Strong Relationships

Contributed by: Heather England, Ph.D., Love Filled Life

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Did you ever wake up one day and realize, "Wow, I'm in midlife"? Reaching this point can be both intimidating and invigorating, depending on your perspective. If you haven't dedicated time to invest in yourself and your relationships, it might feel overwhelming. The fantastic news is that there's always an opportunity to craft an incredible life and you have the power to cultivate relationships right now.

As a licensed psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, I firmly believe that the quality of our relationships holds the key to the happiness and satisfaction we find in life. When reflecting on life, no one wishes they had worked more on their deathbed, but many regret not spending enough time with their loved ones. Let’s explore why this matters and how you can use this knowledge to live your best life.

Over the past 85 years, Harvard has conducted a groundbreaking study on adult life, health, and happiness. Surprisingly, it's not cholesterol or exercise that predicts well-being in old age, but rather, those satisfied in their relationships at midlife are the healthiest at age 80. Isn’t that amazing? The power lies in our ability to invest love and energy into our relationships, and it's never too late to prioritize this aspect of life.

Loneliness has become an epidemic with profound effects on health and happiness. Many of us felt this ourselves or observed this in our children during the pandemic when everyone was isolated from friends and family. The Harvard study reveals that loneliness is as detrimental to long-term health as alcohol and smoking. Building meaningful connections and having a social support system is crucial for a longer and healthier life.

Finally, the study highlights that the quality of your relationships is much more impactful on health and happiness than the quantity of relationships. Instead of cultivating numerous superficial connections, focusing on deep and meaningful relationships with a smaller group is more beneficial.

If you're looking to enhance your relationships, consider these tips:

Love yourself.

First, the most important relationship you have is with yourself. Many people struggle with self-esteem for most of their lives. They worry others won’t like them or want to be their friend, and they live with negative self-talk that they aren’t good enough. If that sounds like you, know that you aren’t alone. We need to banish those unhelpful thoughts! You are good enough for the people who matter. Who you are is a special gift to the universe. Be bravely authentic. Instead of being what you think others want or trying hard to say something clever or witty, just be yourself. The people who matter will value you for who you are. They will stick around.

Be intentional.

Nurture relationships with intentionality. Just like a plant needs water and sunshine to thrive, the people you care most about need your love and attention. It can be a simple gesture such as an “I love you” note on the fridge or “thinking of you text” to a friend. Remember special events and reach out during tough times.

Spend time with your partner.

In long-term relationships, especially at midlife, investing time and effort is vital. Many couples grow apart over the years as work and family demands often pull them in opposite directions. Reignite your relationship by spending time together, establishing a date night, or taking that dream trip. Doing new and fun things releases the “love hormone” dopamine and makes you feel closer. Explore your local area, try new restaurants, play cards and board games, or take a walk. Strong friendships are the foundation of satisfying long-term relationships.

Life is brimming with choices, and prioritizing relationships is one of the best decisions you can make. And it’s not too late if it hasn’t been a priority for you! Midlife is a fabulous time to redirect your focus towards those who matter most to you.

*Learn more about the study's profound scientific findings in Dr. Robert Waldinger's recent NYT best-selling book, "The Good Life: Lessons From the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness."

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Heather England, Ph.D., MBA, LCP, LCPC, CST. is a clinical psychotherapist, certified sex therapist and executive and life coach who teaches about the power of strong relationships and the importance of intentionally creating the life you truly want. She is the founder of Love Filled Life, and the host of the Great Sex Podcast. She lives in Overland Park with her husband, college-aged daughter, and energetic dog, and spends as much time as possible with her blended family of six adult children and her incredible grandkids. She likes to swim laps, explore the Kansas City metro, and hang out with friends.

You can find Heather at:

Websites: www.heatherengland.com, www.lovefilledlife.com

YouTube: @lovefilledlife

LinkedIn: Heather England PhD

Instagram: @drheatherengland