TURN MONSTERS INTO MOSQUITOES

Contributed by: Ginger Rothhaas, Compassion Fix

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A client, Miranda, came to me not long ago. Her relationship had just ended and not only was she heartbroken, she was paralyzed by fear: both she and her ex had been invited to the same party, and it would be her first time seeing him since they had broken up. She didn’t know what she was going to say or if she’d even be able to speak—she was afraid she might have a panic attack.

She was doing what we all do when we’re dreading something: we make a monster out of a mosquito.

Whether it’s a work project we’ve been putting off, a tough conversation we’re avoiding, or the thought of running into an ex, it’s easy to imagine that thing you dread as a huge monster overtaking your life. It keeps you awake at night. It makes you put all joy on hold. It is huge and awful and ugly and you cower in its presence.

Now imagine that same thing as a mosquito: yes, it’s annoying, but you are so much bigger than that mosquito and you could smash it at any moment. You don't like it, but you can handle it. You have the power to do something about it. You can control the mosquito.

No question, the things we dread are hard. But our brains like to imagine that they’re going to be so much more miserable than they actually are. Our amygdala at the base of our brains are always trying to keep us safe and get us ready for the worst-case scenario.

In Miranda’s case, we talked through what that moment she dreaded might be like: yes, it will be awkward. But it’s just annoying, like a mosquito. It will only be a couple of minutes that you’ll see each other, and then you’ll walk back to your friends, and it’ll be over.

Instead of preparing for a monster—a panic-inducing moment that could ruin her whole night—could she take her power back? And prepare instead for a hard two minutes—just a mosquito? We rehearsed what she would say when she saw him, ending with: “I’m headed to get a drink.” She would then have the power to leave that conversation. It’s not that it wouldn’t be hard; but it could be brief. And she could be in control. Moment over. Mosquito gone.

Reminding ourselves: “this is a mosquito, not a monster” is an easy and effective way to manage our exaggerating brains and remind ourselves that we have the power. We can deal with this. We can turn a monster into a mosquito!

TRY THESE

Take something you’ve been dreading and see if you can transform it from a scary, all-consuming monster into an annoying, squashable mosquito. Here are some examples:

1. Is there a project you’ve been dreading? How can you make it easier? Can you reduce it down into several small tasks? Can you finish those tasks, one by one? Can you delegate anything?

2. Is there a person that you’ve been avoiding or afraid to run into? Can you picture it as a quick interaction? Can you rehearse what you might say? Or come up with an exit plan?

3. Is there a doctor's appointment you've been delaying? Can you take control and remember that you’re in charge of your health? So you can be active and have fun with the people you love?

4. Is there a conversation you’ve been putting off? Can you rehearse how you might find common ground with this person? How might you tell them how you feel? And receive how they feel?

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Ginger Rothhaas, MBA, MDiv. is a seminary trained compassion coach who teaches about compassion at the intersection of neuroscience and spirituality. She is the founder of Compassion Fix Coaching, and she has written a book of mental health practices titled Being Human: 150 Practices to Make it Easier. She lives in Kansas City with her husband, their two teenage children, and two very enthusiastic dogs.

You can find Ginger at:

Websites: gingerrothhaas.com, compassionfix.com

Facebook and Instagram: @gingerrothhaas and @compassionfix

New Book: Being Human