Winter Gently

Contributed by: Ginger Rothhaas, Compassion Fix

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Wintering is a verb introduced to me by author Katherine May. Prior to reading May’s work, my verb for winter was “hating winter.” As a Midwesterner, I enjoy four definite seasons. However, winter is my least favorite and often a time of heaviness in my soul. Thanks to May’s book Wintering, I see it differently now. Here are some of her words:

“When I started to feel the drag of winter, I began to treat myself like a favored child, with kindness and love. I assumed my needs were reason- able and that my feelings were signals of something important. I kept myself well fed, and I made sure I was getting enough sleep. I took myself for walks in the fresh air and spent time doing things that soothed me. I asked myself, what is this winter all about? I asked myself, what change is coming?”

Instead of fighting winter, now I find that I can enjoy it. I watch nature (which I had previously thought of as “winter dead”) be in a season of rest, not death. I see the bare trees as an invitation to rest, not a depressed sense of gloom. I enjoy weekends cuddling with my favorite blankets, people, and dogs on the couch. I do puzzles with a cup of hot tea and an audiobook playing in the background. Before, winters were a time of expecting myself to organize closets, take on new work projects, and accomplish things. Now, winter is about recovering from the busy year and resetting before spring, when I love to come alive again.

I hope you will think about loving yourself through your wintering months. Katherine May also describes wintering as a time when it might actually be summer but you are in a season of grief. These are times where we feel isolated and alone. Wintering is a time of being really gentle with ourselves before we go out into the world again. This is one of my favorite paragraphs in her book:

“Sometimes the best response to our howls of anguish is the honest one. We need friends who wince along with our pain, who tolerate our gloom, and who allow us to be weak for a while, while we’re finding our feet again. We need people who acknowledge that we can’t always hang on. That sometimes everything breaks. Short of that, we need to perform those functions for ourselves: to give ourselves a break when we need it and to be kind, to our own grit in our own time."

You might go back and read that again, it is so beautiful. One, we need people in our lives with whom we can be real. Two, we must be loving to ourselves. Those two things—compassionate friends and self-compassion—make being human so much easier.

I hope you are wintering well this year, wherever you are. If you live in a hot climate, your version of wintering might be in July and August when you stay near air conditioning and go slower. Or wintering may come when we least expect it, with grief or disruption to our plans. Whenever it is, be gentle with yourself while the days are darker. Spring will always return.

TRY THESE

1. Notice which season of the year is the hardest for you emotionally. Explore that a little deeper and see if you can identify why it is hard for you. Are there things you can do to make it better? As it approaches, can you make a plan for something you look forward to? What would bring you comfort during this season? Can you change the narrative about this time of year into a new story? What good could come of it for you? What do you need? How could this time be different than before?

2. Find someone who is in a winter season like you are and go through it together. There is always someone who is struggling at the same time you are. My friend Wendee and I discovered that we both hate winter. We now check in with each other during the winter, send each other funny social media memes, talk about how miserable the weather is and what we are going to do to make it through. Last winter she gave me a blanket to wrap up in and when I do, it feels like a hug from her. It has helped so much to know she’s feeling exactly the same way I am. Then we celebrate spring together! Find someone to go through the tough stuff with you. We don’t have to do it all alone. Share what you are feeling and someone out there will say “me too.” That’s your person.

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Ginger Rothhaas, MBA, MDiv. is a seminary trained compassion coach who teaches about compassion at the intersection of neuroscience and spirituality. She is the founder of Compassion Fix Coaching, and she has written a book of mental health practices titled Being Human: 150 Practices to Make it Easier. She lives in Kansas City with her husband, their two teenage children, and two very enthusiastic dogs.

You can find Ginger at:

Websites: gingerrothhaas.com, compassionfix.com

Facebook and Instagram: @gingerrothhaas and @compassionfix

New Book: Being Human