Weigh the Difficult

Contributed by: Ginger Rothhaas, Compassion Fix

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I was on a walk in my neighborhood and stopped to talk with a young mom who had just dropped off her son for his first day of kindergarten. She was describing to me how sad she was, and that it had been a hard morning. She knew he was ready to go to school and that this would just be a tough transition for her mama heart. Then she said: “I guess I could homeschool him, but that would be hard too—a whole different kind of hard.”

After we talked, I kept thinking about what she’d said. She reminded me of something I talk about in conversations with clients: that often, when faced with a challenging decision, we forget that we actually get to “choose our difficult.” Sending her little one to school was difficult, but so was the idea of homeschooling.

When all of your options seem difficult, ask yourself: “which option is the least difficult?” Or: “which option am I willing to endure right now?”

A few of my clients are midway through college, and they’re thinking about changing their major. We talk about how it would be difficult for them to start over, or have to stay in school for an extra year. On the other hand, though, it is also really difficult to be stuck in a profession that is meaning- less to you. It is up to them to pick which choice is the right difficult for their long-term happiness.

I have a health and fitness goal I’m working on right now, and it’s difficult to stay committed. But it’s also difficult to be sick or have low energy. So I have to choose my difficult when I make nutrition and exercise choices. Then, everything becomes clearer and less of a struggle when I know I’m weighing the difficult and making a choice to promote my long-term goal.

This practice helps me whenever my brain throws a tantrum about how challenging something is going to be. I remember that I can evaluate my options and that with every change comes difficulties. I get to choose which path is worth the challenge.

Remembering that you can choose your difficult is a liberating practice to help move out of fear and into empowerment and optimism.

TRY THIS:

When you notice your brain protesting something, weigh the difficult. What are your options? They are all difficult in some way—maybe they cause discomfort, pain, or challenge—but likely your brain is imagining that they will be worse than they actually are. A moment of discomfort is tolerable if it helps you reach your goals. Is it more difficult to push forward or to regret not pushing forward? We all have to face decisions like this. Many times, our brains want to take the path of least resistance, but it is up to you to choose your path and help your brain understand why. Remember, you are stronger than you think you are!

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Ginger Rothhaas, MBA, MDiv. is a seminary trained compassion coach who teaches about compassion at the intersection of neuroscience and spirituality. She is the founder of Compassion Fix Coaching, and she has written a book of mental health practices titled Being Human: 150 Practices to Make it Easier. She lives in Kansas City with her husband, their two teenage children, and two very enthusiastic dogs.

You can find Ginger at:

Websites: gingerrothhaas.com, compassionfix.com

Facebook and Instagram: @gingerrothhaas and @compassionfix

New Book: Being Human